Day 51: 40
I turned 40 this year. The new 20. Fuck off.
Getting old sucks, I really don't mind being 40 but I do mind all of the things attached to being 40.
It comes down to the fact that everyone in the medical world wants to probe around in my ass. Cancer is a motherfucker without question. But why do we pick a magic age where suddenly its open season on your asshole. Is it really a wonder guys have a crisis at this point where they buy a porche, grow a moustache and start hunting younger women? Its because the only other people with this many fingers poked in their pooper are porn stars.
Get your tackle checked out. Don't wait until 40, early screening is never a bad thing. Eat better, smoke less, drink more and have a fucking riot until you drop dead having a good time.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Day 50:
Day 50: Monsoon rain
I actually love a good old killer rain storm complete with thunder and lightning but today I just got my license plate for my new motorcycle and the heavens decided to open up.
Fuck off, at least for today.
I actually love a good old killer rain storm complete with thunder and lightning but today I just got my license plate for my new motorcycle and the heavens decided to open up.
Fuck off, at least for today.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Day 49:
Day 49: Telefundraisemarketprofiteers
I live in the USA, it would seem upon the moment of my arrival in to the USA that every fucking tele - marketer, fund raiser, vacuum cleaner sales, lawn care, pest control, health insurance, car wash, window cleaning, warranty extending company has been given all of my contact information. I did the do not call thing, that probably stopped 400 million of the 3 billion calls i seem to get. I may dress up as Jerry Lewis and pretend I am running my own telethon with all of the fucking phone ringing that happens here from dawn until dusk.
I give to charity, don't get me wrong, I will help a brother out, but nearly every one of these strangers that know me by my first name "Ramone Sanches" are working for independent for profit organizations, those are not tax deductible, and you are just giving money to an asshole, not to someone who needs it.
Go out, buy 10 cheeseburgers, hand them out to the hobos on the street corner. Or dial 1-800-fuck-off and donate today.
I live in the USA, it would seem upon the moment of my arrival in to the USA that every fucking tele - marketer, fund raiser, vacuum cleaner sales, lawn care, pest control, health insurance, car wash, window cleaning, warranty extending company has been given all of my contact information. I did the do not call thing, that probably stopped 400 million of the 3 billion calls i seem to get. I may dress up as Jerry Lewis and pretend I am running my own telethon with all of the fucking phone ringing that happens here from dawn until dusk.
I give to charity, don't get me wrong, I will help a brother out, but nearly every one of these strangers that know me by my first name "Ramone Sanches" are working for independent for profit organizations, those are not tax deductible, and you are just giving money to an asshole, not to someone who needs it.
Go out, buy 10 cheeseburgers, hand them out to the hobos on the street corner. Or dial 1-800-fuck-off and donate today.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Day 48:
Day 48: Printers.
Ink jet or laser, even a self whittled japanese wood block. All manner of device that puts ink to paper can fuck off.
We buy a new all in one super awesome life giving printer at the local Best Buy or WalMart, bring it home where it sits in a box for 3 months before we get around to setting it up. This is followed by an occasional use of probably 3 times a year. Once for a large purchase, once or twice for taxes and that's it. Somehow the act of the machine lying in its dormant state makes it turn in to a useless piece of shit. I have a theory that all printers may actually be crime fighting transformers that battle evil while we sleep. There is no other explanation that fits how the inert blob of moulded plastic bits can only reliably function for 46 seconds and then die.
Number of copies? Fuck Off
Please run the alignment/ head cleaning utility. Fuck Off
Check cartridge levels. Fuck Off
Order supplies? Fuck Off.
Save planet from Megatron's evil Saturn Ray at 4am ? Yes Please.
Ink jet or laser, even a self whittled japanese wood block. All manner of device that puts ink to paper can fuck off.
We buy a new all in one super awesome life giving printer at the local Best Buy or WalMart, bring it home where it sits in a box for 3 months before we get around to setting it up. This is followed by an occasional use of probably 3 times a year. Once for a large purchase, once or twice for taxes and that's it. Somehow the act of the machine lying in its dormant state makes it turn in to a useless piece of shit. I have a theory that all printers may actually be crime fighting transformers that battle evil while we sleep. There is no other explanation that fits how the inert blob of moulded plastic bits can only reliably function for 46 seconds and then die.
Number of copies? Fuck Off
Please run the alignment/ head cleaning utility. Fuck Off
Check cartridge levels. Fuck Off
Order supplies? Fuck Off.
Save planet from Megatron's evil Saturn Ray at 4am ? Yes Please.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Day 47 Employer Trolling
Day 47: Employer Trolling
I stopped blogging to the list while I was looking for a job. Potential employers stop short of inserting a finger in your ass when it comes to your personal online presence. My linked in profile said I had a degree in smoking pot, hilarious to some, disturbing to many folks wanting to hire me. Well I work for myself from the comfort of my home office now. All of your recruiter/HR/Hiring people can fuck the fuck off. Freedom of speech bitches. Pretty universal in most free countries.
Now employment agencies will tell you that you should clean up your stuff and only have things that you would allow your mom to see. I'm a little more transparent, I'm sure my mom is appalled at some of the things I say and do, but I will no longer keep my sphincter clenched for the sake of the all important screening process where you go through explaining half of the flowery bullshit you have on your resume. I work hard, I'm smart, I have a lot of experience, I'm expensive. If you really care about me telling the DMV to fuck off or that all celebrities need a pet midget then you can fuck off.
I stopped blogging to the list while I was looking for a job. Potential employers stop short of inserting a finger in your ass when it comes to your personal online presence. My linked in profile said I had a degree in smoking pot, hilarious to some, disturbing to many folks wanting to hire me. Well I work for myself from the comfort of my home office now. All of your recruiter/HR/Hiring people can fuck the fuck off. Freedom of speech bitches. Pretty universal in most free countries.
Now employment agencies will tell you that you should clean up your stuff and only have things that you would allow your mom to see. I'm a little more transparent, I'm sure my mom is appalled at some of the things I say and do, but I will no longer keep my sphincter clenched for the sake of the all important screening process where you go through explaining half of the flowery bullshit you have on your resume. I work hard, I'm smart, I have a lot of experience, I'm expensive. If you really care about me telling the DMV to fuck off or that all celebrities need a pet midget then you can fuck off.
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